Silencer
by AznSage
Summary: Heero POV, death fic. Another angsty piece on the eternal struggle that is 1x2. Heero is a little insane in this one...


I loved him too much to let him go. I loved him so much I had to let him go. That day when he left me for Hilde, it broke my heart. I was with him when he walked out the door. I was with him when he greeted her with a friendly hug. I was with him when he told her to sit down and have some lunch with us. I was with him when he babbled about our job plan. I was with him...until he popped the question on that day. I couldn't believe what I had heard or what I had seen. I think that in the end, I was staring at the ring longer than she was. But how could I not? I just lost the one I loved most. I guess I mean nothing to him. Nothing at all. That one night was just to get rid of the tension in his groin. Those words that were said were nothing but meaningless jibberish. It's how he got all the girls into him. ...To think, I fell for it too. But what else could I do? He was so sincere when he said it. And he said that he's never lied before, so why now? I can't stand it. I can't stand the sight of him. I can't the sight of myself. Oi, Kami-sama, why am I so pathetic? There's only a month left until they're getting married. I still have that business venture with him for that new project that just got funded. I can't drop it now. Or can I? He'd be disappointed. But then again, he disappointed me too. So what do I do? I do the only thing I can do. "The mysteriouos disappearance of famed Gundam pilot Heero Yuy..." That's what the reporter said. If only she knew the truth. I had set up this entire elaborate plot just so Relena could "accidentally" stumble upon a ransom note about my disappearance. Gundam pilots don't disappear that easily. I snuck into Duo's study at our apartment, which was supposed to be my apartment after a few months. But then again, it would've been lonely anyway. The way I'm doing this is better. For me. For them. For everyone. No one takes away what is most precious to a Gundam pilot from them. Nobody. I hear someone at the door and, relying on my instinctive reflexes, quickly hid myself by climbing out onto the window ledge, where there was just enough space for my scrawny form. I heard the door slam shut, followed by a soft whimpering cry. It was...familiar, to say the least. I'd heard it time and time again in the old days, but never heeding the pull of it. This time? I did the same thing. Looks like some things never change. A few low cries from Duo made my heart sink. What happened? Did Hilde dump him all of a sudden? Did he get raped? What happened? It was a huge risk, but I was willing to do it. I leaned closer and closer back towards the study, wanting to hear what he was mumbling. After failing to hear anything, I walked back into the room and pulled Duo into a comforting hug. It was all I could do. After all, I was no longer the lover, only the best friend. "Heero...? Am I hallucinating? Is that really you?" I bit my lip and said nothing, only continuing to rock him back and forth and soothe him. "This has to be a dream. Heero would never do something like that...except that one night when I took a chance. You never said anything back to me about it. Why? WHY?" He shook me lightly back and forth to try and enforce his point, but it was moot considering his state. I continued to just stare at him...his eyes mirroring my infinite sadness. "You must be a dream, 'cause Heero would have punched me already. Then tell me, why'd he leave? Was it because I loved Hilde?" Tears resurfaced in his violet orbs. But I couldn't do anything. Those last few words had froze me in my place, allowing the personality of the perfect soldier to take place again. And what does a soldier do in a desperate situation? Run. Not self- destruct. Run. I crept slowly away from Duo, allowing him to continue to believe that I was merely a spectre from his mind. When I reached the door, I thought I heard "Even though I loved him more..." But I must have been dreaming. *** "In further news, the death of Chang Wufei and Sally Po in the Chongqing area this last night has shocked everyone at Preventer Headquarters and their old allies, the Gundam pilots. Investigators have called it a forest fire that killed them." "The shuttle crash last week has caused a ruckus in the Earth Sphere. The accident has killed Vice Minister Relena Darlian, Quatre Winner, CEO of Winner enterprises, and his spouse, Trowa Barton. Diplomats are wondering what they should do shall and incident arise. Experts blame it on mechanical..." All of these incidents are my doing. From my blood-stained hands and heavy heart, some of my closest friends have died. I picked them off easily, maybe two or three per week. They fall like flies. Their civilian lives have made them soft. They're just easy prey for someone like me right now. Eventually, someone will realize a trend and look for me. When they realized that I'm neither dead nor missing. My rationale is no longer existent. It was crushed long ago, along with my heart. I should be the only one who should have Duo. No one but me. *** Why? It's been almost a month. I killed everyone. Wufei, Sally, Quatre, Trowa, Relena, Dorothy, Noin, Zechs, Une, Howard, Otto, and countless others. They're all dead. But I can't kill her. I can't kill the one I hate the most because it would make him sad to see her dead. The pain in my chest from even thinking the next line tugs at my heart strings sharply. But I have come to accept it. He loves her and not me. He'd cry for her if she were dead, but not me. He proposed to her and not me. In the end, he chose her over me. What does she have that I don't? Maybe Duo will answer me. He should be home soon. A click on the door answered my questions. I stretched comfortably on the cotton sheets, hoping to get into a comfortable position before he came. Before his interrogation, before facing his rage. Before he could forgive me. Then maybe, he'll just do what I wanted him to do. I hear him toss his jacket towards the coat hanger, missing it completely, as per his routine. I closed my eyes and lay down quietly, arms behind my head, relaxing for my final moments to come. I knew what would happen. If it didn't happen, I would make it happen. Eventually, he found me on his bed, me in my glorious peaceful imperfection. He must have thought he was hallucinating again 'cause he blinked a few times before he slowly walked to me. When he slowly opened my eyes and leveled my gaze at him, he practically jumped against to the ceiling. Why was he so happy to see me? "Heero! You're alive! You're not dead! Everyone thought you were dead 'cause you just disappeared and didn't appear for a while, and then everyone else started getting killed..." He paused in mid-sentence. I'm guessing that realization had finally hit him. "You killed them...didn't you?" The anger flared in to his eyes and I felt a stinging in my cheek from a sharp slap. "Why?? They were our friends! They were our family! They were the only ones we had left!" I merely moved my head back to its previous position. "...And why didn't you kill her too?" His voice was failing him now. His emotions were beginning to get a hold on him. I felt another pain in my chest for hurting his feelings so much. But the world just couldn't stand in the way of his happiness. "Why?" I turned away from him, pulling the sheets over my body, staring blankly out the window. "Heero...please..." Before he could finish, I had gotten up to my feet and pulled out my gun. "Duo...I just wanted to make sure you were happy. And I knew that we never made you happy. All of us were just reminders of the war you had to fight, the childhood you had lost, the symbols of the past that you needed to forget in order to live happily. We must all die. For you." I aimed the gun at my own heart and cocked it. "Just forget about us...live." A shot. How the mighty have fallen. "HEERO!" His hysterical voice, swamped with tears pierced my dying ears. "Damnit, you don't get it do you...Heero..." He sobbed again. "I have no regrets Duo. Live." "But Heero, I love..." In my final moment, I realized one thing. I was happy that the last sound I would hear would come from his mouth, the last sight I would see was his face, the last smell I would smell would be his shampoo. I had no regrets. Right? I only regretted that I couldn't finish hearing his last words to me. -Owari- 


End file.
